Misused, Mistakes
by twouble
Summary: Remus never returned to his wife after the confrontation with Harry, five years later Remus & Tonks meet again at Harry's wedding. NTRL. Rather AU.
1. Unannounced, Unexpected

**A/N: Oh the evils of plot bunnies! I've never written Remus/Tonks before so this could be terribly disastrous. I hope not.**

**Summary:** **Remus never returned to his wife after the confrontation with Harry, five years later Remus & Tonks meet again at Harry's wedding. NT/RL. Rather AU.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Unfortunately. Although I have been promised my very own Remus for my birthday.**

Remus sighed, glancing down at the piece of parchment in his hand one last time. They wanted him here. They had invited him. He would stay for the ceremony and then leave, they wouldn't need to speak. It would fine. He pushed open the door to the small church cautiously, sliding into a chair in the back row and hoping to remain unnoticed.

He spotted her, of course, almost instantly. Her hair was a vibrant pink and she had a smile on her face as she put her arm around the small boy next to her. His hair was a bright blue and he chuckled softly to himself. No one noticed and he watched them for a few more minutes before tearing his eyes away and focusing on the front of the church. Harry appeared to be staring at something on the floor, Remus was sure he was nervous. He looked just as James had done the day he married Lily. Handsome, happy, but incredibly nervous.

Ron was his best man, that he had expected, he stood by his side, patting his shoulder and reassuring him quietly. Remus smiled as he noticed the gold band on the red head's finger. Married. His eyes flicked around the room, wondering who.

The music started and the two men turned, he didn't need to question any more as the bridesmaids walked down the aisle and Ron's eyes fixed on Hermione, a bright grin on his face. Ginny entered then, looking beautiful, it showed on Harry's face. But whilst everyone's eyes were on the bride Remus felt his own drifting towards his wife. He span his own wedding ring around his finger and watched Nymphadora and their son for much of the ceremony, occasionally returning his eyes to his best friend's son, remembering why he was there.

He stood as soon as they had left, hoping to escape without being noticed but he felt a hand on his arm, turning cautiously he was met by the face of Bill Weasley, his expression was fixed, he did not look angry but nor did he look happy to see the older man. They left the church together and were some time away before Bill spoke, Remus had decided against trying to leave.

"You'll be coming to the reception?" Bill asked, although Remus got the distinct impression he wasn't actually giving him a choice. He looked at him again, almost critically. Remus could do nothing except ask the question he had wanted answered for five long years.

"Is he…is my son….is he…?" He trailed off, the thought was unbearable, he had had torturous nightmares, watching a small boy, a perfect combination of himself and Dora, transform into a monster, the agonising pain searing through him, his little face covered in tears as he cried for his father, a father who wasn't even there.

"No. He's fine. Come on." Remus followed the younger man silently, perhaps if he went to the reception, said hello to Harry and Ginny, and then left, he would be able to avoid Dora seeing him. He apparated without a word to Bill, the reception was to be held at The Burrow.

Taking a deep breath he began to walk across the garden, stopping only when a small figure crashed into him. Looking downwards he was met by the face of his son, who stared up at him. He grinned. "Sorry mister." Looking at Remus for a few moments, concentrating deeply as his father's eyes remained fixed to him, his features suddenly began to change until he looked the image of Remus. He giggled and ran off again, in hot pursuit of a small girl with long blonde hair.

Remus froze for a few seconds, unsure of what to do next and unable to move, captivated and shocked by the sudden interaction with his only child. The child, he thought regretfully, that he had walked out on. Eventually he found himself capable of movement and scanned the garden, after a while his eyes fell on Harry, his arm around his new wife, talking animatedly to Kingsley Shacklebolt. He cautiously approached them. "Harry."

It was a few moment before Harry responded, he looked shocked, his eyes roved over Remus who was looking thinner and more shabby than ever. Harry, Remus thought as he surveyed him, had changed a lot since he had last seen him. But then, the last time he had laid his eyes on this boy he had been seventeen, fresh from battle. They had embraced, like family, but Harry's expression had turned cold when Remus had refused his suggestion that he return to Tonks, to Teddy. Their last words had been brief, unemotional, just goodbye, take care of yourself. As it was now, Harry looked torn between throwing his arms around his last remaining father figure and telling him to get out. He did neither. "Remus…" He broke away from his wife, kissing her cheek softly and leaving her to continue their conversation with Kingsley. Remus smiled slightly.

"You…I'm very proud of you." Harry nodded.

"Thanks for coming."

"I thought someone should be here. James, Lily, Sirius… you needed someone."

"I've needed someone for the past five years." Remus could not mistake the bitterness in the young man's tone and simply nodded apologetically.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not me you should be apologising too, not really." Remus followed Harry's gaze to where Dora was sat talking to Hermione, she looked simply beautiful and his breathing hitched for a moment, his eyes glazing over slightly, but he refused to give into his emotions and turned back to Harry.

"I'm sure you'll make a better husband than I ever was."

"All that requires is not leaving." Guilt flooded Remus and he yet again he chose just to nod. This boy standing before him had been through so much more than he had, and yet he was a much better person. He had regretted walking out on Dora from the second he had closed the door, but he convinced himself it was for the best, that he should stay away, because it was better for Dora, would be better for their baby. The more time that passed, the harder returning became, until he convinced himself they wouldn't need him, they would be fine without him, that she would have moved on.

"You were right Harry… I was a coward."

"You were."

"Anyway. Let's not talk about me. Look at you. Married. When I met you I would never have expected it. Thirteen years old, barely came up to my shoulder."

"And promptly passed out in front of you."

"Did you really? I didn't notice."

"No, don't suppose you would have, I did it ever so subtly you see." They shared a smile, and at that moment they did embrace, not with the paternal stance Remus had adopted when Harry was at Hogwarts, but with friendship, with brotherhood almost. The unspoken words, Remus' guilt, Harry's forgiveness. He smiled and patted Harry on the shoulder again, wondering if it was possible for him to get any prouder.

He turned when he heard Dora speak, loud and clear, for the first time in five years, her voice sending a shiver right through him.

"Teddy, what're you doing? Why do you look like…oh…" She had noticed him. Her eyes had glanced past her son to wear he stood and they met his. A large number of people held their breath as she looked over at him. "Remus…"

**A/N: If you've read it please review!**

**I apologise if anyone seemed out of character, the idea wouldn't leave me alone so I had to write it but I do struggle to write Remus.**


	2. Reunited, Remorseful

**A/N: Thanks for reading & reviewing everyone! Sorry for the slight delay on this one, I will try to make updates daily, so long as real life & writer's block don't get in the way!**

"Nymphadora…"

"_Don't._ Call me Nymphadora." If the situation were different he would have chuckled perhaps, but many of the guests were holding their breath in anticipation of an argument and he was half tempted to turn and flee.

"I'm sorry, Tonks-"

"My surname's Lupin, or did you forget that?" She was approaching him, he didn't lower his gaze, his expression barely changed as he tried to find the words to justify his actions.

"I behaved appallingly, what I did was unforgivable."

"You think?" This time Remus did lower his eyes, his gaze fell upon Teddy who had wound an arm around his mother's leg and was looking at his father with confusion filling his small face. He looked as though he had returned to his natural state, he had his nose and Dora's eyes, his hair was a dirty blonde colour, he reminded Remus very much of himself at five years old, he wondered for a moment if he should talk to the boy, but thought better of it, Dora was an auror after all, she could easily do severe damage to him, and the opinion that many of the other wedding guests had of him would mean it was unlikely they would do much to prevent her.

"Do you think we could have this conversation somewhere else?"

"I'd sooner not have it at all." She lifted Teddy up into her arms with some difficulty, hindered further by the fact that the five year old did not want to be picked up. "Come on Teddy, let's get going, shall we?" She seemed much more adult than he had remembered, much more sure of himself and, he thought sadly, much less sure of him.

"Not going." Teddy wriggled further. "Stay here."

"Teddy-"

"Harry!" Teddy held his arms out to the young man, who looked unsure what to do. Dora sighed and passed him over, glancing at Remus briefly.

"I'll give you ten minutes." He nodded and followed her into the house, when they reached the living room she sat down but he chose to stand, staring out the window, he didn't speak but lay a hand upon the wall, almost to support himself.

"He really is a very charming little boy."

"Well he certainly doesn't get it from you." He turned slowly to look at her, her eyes glazed over with tears, it broke his heart, behind their watery mask he could see love staring back at him, and hatred for that love. He wanted to go to her but thought better of it and stayed where he was.

"No, no, I don't imagine he does." He returned his gaze to the window, he couldn't find the words to say to her, sorry, he knew, was nowhere near enough, and yet he was sure it was all he could offer, but he knew it was unlikely she would forgive him. He did not think it too arrogant to think that he had broken her heart the day he left; she had fought to get him after all. He had known all along he was no good for her, that he would hurt her. It had been a mistake all along, no matter how much he loved her, it was a mistake. He wished he could flick his wand and repair her heart, fix their marriage in the process.

But he wouldn't take her in his arms, he could never let his heart rule his head again, the night he had proposed they had been basking in the euphoria of their love, they had lain in the moonlight in the garden right outside that window, and he hand held her hand, and suddenly the words had come tumbling out of his mouth without real thought or decision. It was on rare occasions that Remus Lupin did anything spontaneous, but that night, there, lying in the grass, he had. He had asked Nymphadora Tonks to marry him, and she had agreed. There was nothing he could do, he couldn't take it back, deep down he hadn't wanted to. But it had been a mistake, and the day he had left her he had promised himself never to be spontaneous again.

"Are you actually going to say anything then?"

"I hadn't wanted a scene."

"What did you expect? Warm welcome? You're about as popular as a death eater in this house."

"This is Harry's wedding day, I only wanted to see him married. James would have wanted at least one of us there."

"And would you have been here if it was Teddy's wedding day?"

"Be realistic, Dora, Teddy's only five."

"Has anyone told you you're incredibly infuriating?"

"That has been said once or twice, yes." He smiled softly and allowed his eyes to meet hers, she looked away, her expression set. She was still very angry with him and he knew it would be a long time before she even considered forgiving him. She stood and walked over to him, in one movement her hand came in contact with his cheek. He didn't reach to touch the stinging flesh but nodded at her, he deserved much more, after all.

"You're lucky that wasn't a hex."

"I'm afraid I couldn't promise to stand still and allow you to hex me."

"You couldn't promise to stand still at all, or to stick around, could you?"

"Dora…"

"You haven't even apologised." He opened his mouth to speak but instead slumped against the wall, silently moving his hand towards his cheek and softly running his fingers along the heated flesh. His wife certainly wasn't a woman to be reckoned with. He watched as she returned to the sofa and it was two full minutes before he spoke, sighing gently.

"What good would it do?"

"Do you care about him at all? Do you care about me?"

"With all my heart, but that's still not enough. Dora, an apology would do very little."

"It would make me feel better."

"I told you I was no good for you."

"So did my mother."

"Ah. Is she here?"

"Yes, and after your blood probably. I'd run very fast."

"Perhaps I don't want to run any more." He let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his greying hair, unsure of himself and of her response, but all he knew was that seeing here, in front of him, made him determined never to leave again, and knowing that their little boy was outside without a clue who he was confirmed the decision, he couldn't turn his back on them again, even if Dora didn't forgive him, he couldn't leave Teddy, not again, not how he had seen him. And, if he admitted it, not that he ever would aloud, he couldn't understand how he had lifted without Dora in his life.

"You're an idiot, have you seen my mum with a wand in her hand?" He chuckled softly and moved towards her, arguing with his body as it decided to act upon impulse much to his mind's distaste. He kneeled beside her and laid a hand upon hers but she hurriedly withdrew it, shaking her head softly she stood and fled from the room. She wasn't going to be won over that easily, and it shouldn't have surprised him.

**A/N: Please review, I'd really appreciate it!**


	3. Horrified, Hateful

**A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to leave it nearly this long before updates, real life inevitably got in the way but I'll try my best not to leave it so long next time!**

Remus chose not to leave the room, he did not suppose he would be very welcome at the party and deep down he felt he shouldn't have come, but he knew he couldn't leave without talking to Dora, without arranging to see Teddy, at least. But not yet, he'd letter enjoy the party, let her have fun, he could hear her laughing somewhere within the garden as he stood below the window which he had opened just enough to let a little fresh air in, the soft summer air drifted through and its gentle warmth made him feel worse than he already did, it was as though it was punishing him for all he had done wrong, taunting him. He closed his eyes but didn't leave the room, leaning against the wall, nearer to the window, listening to that laugh; there was no sound more beautiful, he was sure of it.

He didn't hear Andromeda enter and wasn't aware of her presence until he was knocked off his feet by a silent hex. He looked up at her from the floor and she pointed her wand square between his eyes. He swallowed hard, he could see the Black family fire in her eyes, Sirius would have a similar look in his eyes whenever he was particularly angry. Still Andromeda didn't speak, but continued to glare at him, her wand held steadily in place.

"If you're going to curse me can you get it over with?"

"I'm not going to curse you, _werewolf_." The word rolled angrily off her tongue and Remus sighed, Nymphadora's parents had never been fond of the idea of their only child marrying a werewolf, they had insisted he would hurt her and though the eventual pain he caused was emotional, not physical, there was no denying they had been right. Remus was prepared to take whatever punishment Andromeda saw fit, although he suspected Andromeda would be the most problematic barrier in his attempt to repair his marriage, he imagined, in fact, that she would prove to be an obstacle even where he tried to form a relationship with his son.

"If you're going to kill me then can you wait until after Harry's wedding, he's been through enough-"

"Oh and Nymphadora hasn't been through enough, I suppose? You haven't tormented her, you haven't hurt her?"

"What I did was unforgivable, I have no excuses to offer and all I can give is an apology, all I can do is try to repair the damage I've caused."

"You haven't even apologised to her, Lupin, what kind of man are you?" Remus said nothing, he had seem Andromeda's displeasure on more than one occasion, but he had never seen her this angry, this disgusted, Ted's death had hit her hard, she had lost so much, she was going to fight with all her strength for whatever she still had to cling on to.

"I'll apologise to Nymphadora in my own way, when the time is right, but that is between me and my wife."

"Wife! What a joke that is! You weren't even married a year before you walked out on her!"

"It was complicated."

"She was pregnant!" Remus sighed again, shaking his head at Andromeda, didn't she understand that was the whole reason he had left? That he was running scared. He was doing what he thought was right, and as usual, it turned out to be very, very wrong indeed, he was amazed Harry could even look at him, his words had stuck in Remus' head for a long time after he had left –_my father died trying to protect my mother and me, and you reckon he'd tell you to abandon your kid? _– Harry had lived for so long as an orphan and his final remaining father figure had proved himself to be unworthy of any paternal status as he turned his back on his own flesh and blood, a little baby who had done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve it. Thinking back on it Remus disgusted himself, if he had been in Harry's shoes he imagined his reaction would be more than justified.

"The only person I need to explain my reasons to is Dora, and I will, when she allows me the time to do so." Andromeda's wand was still pointed towards his temple, he flicked his eyes away from it only for a second when he heard the door open. There stood Teddy, he looked worn out, but Remus supposed it had been a long day for someone so young.

"Grandma?"

"Yes, Teddy bear?" Andromeda lowered her wand at last and Remus rose to his feet, watching the small boy before him curiously. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and climbed up to sit on the sofa, he pushed himself backwards and his little legs barely reached the edge. He was going to be short, like his father.

"Mummy wants you." He informed her, and glanced over at Remus. "Who are you?"

"I-"

"He's nobody important Teddy, he's one of Uncle Harry's friends." Remus resisted the urge to hex Andromeda and instead settled for fixing her with a penetrating glare, despite knowing that he had hardly earned a place in Teddy's life.

"Oh." He tipped his head to one side adorably. "What's your name?"

"Remus." He said softly. It was Andromeda's turn to glare.

"Don't talk to him; you've got no right to talk to him."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do in regards to my own-" Teddy's head swivelled from his grandmother to his father and back again, just as Tonks entered, she looked frustrated and Remus noticed her hair had returned to its natural brown state, the state it had been fixed at while he resisted her love and denied his own.

"Mum, let him talk to Teddy, he's got every right…"

"He gave up all his rights when he walked out that door."

"He's my son and I'll make the decisions." She let out a breath and turned to look at Remus. "I've been speaking to Arthur; he seems to think I should hear you out properly."

"I hope you will."

"Molly thinks I should hex your-" She paused, remembering Teddy was in the room "-your know what's off."

"You probably should, although I imagine it would be rather painful so I'd much prefer that you didn't."

"I'm not in the mood for your pathetic attempts at being funny, Remus."

"You never have been, darling." The word slipped from his mouth without thought or realisation. In fact, even before he left he very rarely called her darling and _never_ had he called her it in front of anyone else. He wondered, as he watched her expression soften, if it was going to win him favour. It didn't. She gave him a steel glare and said nothing. She indicated to Andromeda that she should take Teddy from the room and stared at Remus for several minutes before speaking.

"Do you know what makes this so hard?"

"What?"

"I still love you." He didn't dare smile. He didn't dare speak. He didn't dare _breathe_. He watched her, wondering if she could come towards him or back away. She did neither, but remained standing exactly where she was. "And I hate it Remus, I hate it. I've tried not to love you but I can't, I've tried so often, before we were together, after you left, and I just can't do it. With or without you in my life I have to love you!" He didn't speak, he got the impression she didn't want him to. "I want to kiss you and I want to cry to you, I want you to hold me and I want the world to disappear and it to just be me and you and Teddy." He stepped towards her and she shook her head. "But you don't deserve that. So…I'll listen to what you have to say and then we'll talk about Teddy and then… you can leave… because I don't want to be in love with you any more Remus Lupin, I swear, I couldn't hate anything more than I hate you."

"Not even your name?"

"You're _not_ funny Remus!"

**A/N: Ugh, that's positively abysmal. Hopefully you can forgive that chapter & the next one will be better! Reviews would still be nice…**


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